I Cannot Like These Eyes
by Jiang-Mei
Summary: Itachi has to chose between killing his family or watching them die knowing he could have done something to protect them. We all know what became of that choice, but what caused him to make that decision? A look inside Itachi's head at a crucial moment.


This is dedicated to Schauspielerinnen, who requested this story and gave me this prompt. I suppose this could be considered a songfic as it is based off of a line from a song, but to me it is just a oneshot.

This is basically what is going through Itachi's head when he has to make the choice to kill his clan for the benefit of Konoha. I had some questions about this, so just to clarify, I chose to leave Madara out of this so I could better focus on Itachi's thoughts.

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto!

* * *

><p><em>I'm sorry, my father. These eyes... I cannot come to like them. I'm sorry.<em>

_~ Sound Horizon_

Ever since I was a little boy, I have grown up surrounded by violence and war and death. By the time I was four, I had already lived through a war. My eyes have seen countless lives taken; both by the hands of others and by my own. That is the curse of the Uchiha. That is the curse of the Sharingan.

My eyes are a deadly weapon dyed with the blood of the people's lives I have taken, lives I have taken by stealing their own techniques. I am thirteen and my hands are already stained with the blood of thousands. If I don't make the right choice now, then countless more will die at my hands as well.

I shouldn't be forced to make this choice, to choose between having my family be slaughtered by myself or another. Who could make a decision like that? Not even someone with more experience or wisdom could make the choice I face now.

Why? Why must everything be settled in violence? Has the world not suffered enough from violence? Has the earth not seen enough civilizations, enough families, enough lives lost to violence throughout the years?

How ironic. The only way the village can be saved from prolonged fighting is by a massacre of an entire clan.

It's because of these damned eyes! If it weren't for them, the clan wouldn't dare attempt a coup d'état! It's these eyes. They feel so invincible. Father thinks there's no way they can lose. He doesn't care how many lives have to be taken as long as the result is in his, no, our favor.

I sighed. Why can't things ever be solved peacefully? Blood doesn't have to be spilled to come to an "agreement".

The sun is setting, and I must come to a decision soon. What is the lesser of the two evils? I can't just allow someone else to murder my family while I know of the plans for it, but how can I bring myself to slaughter my family?

Sasuke is only seven. He doesn't deserve to die for something he doesn't even know about. And Mother, she's never done anything to earn death. Shisui. It is too late for Shisui. If I don't do this, if I don't perform my duty…will he have died in vain?

These damned eyes! If it weren't for them, I would never have been volunteered for this mission. Why do they think that these eyes will somehow make the deed easier for me? Father thinks that these eyes are something to be proud of, something that should be worn like a badge on one's chest or a medal around one's neck. Why can't he see what they are? Why can't he or anyone see what a curse they are? What a burden they are?

These eyes corrupt. They turn shinobi into power hungry beasts. They pretend to give you some great gift, but steal from you as you use them until you are blinded.

I'm sorry my father. These eyes…I cannot like them. They will never be something I can accept, for it is these very eyes that have forced me into the position.

Whatever it is I chose, which ever road I take, I will not win. I will be alone in the world. No not alone. Whichever option I chose, either way, my guilt and sorrow will keep me company wherever I go.

The only difference is that one way I will be living a lie inside the village, or the other, living a lie outside the village. I will yearn for a release from my sorrow, but be too afraid to grasp it in my hands, to ashamed to grant myself that kindness. Either way, I will not be able to live with myself, but I will go on living; too cowardly to join my family.

The sun was quickly disappearing from the sky. The long shadows of the day soon engulfed the small room until all that was left was a dim candle light. An Anbu appeared in the room with me, in front of me. I refused to look at him.

"Itachi." he said, emotionless, "Are you prepared? If you are not, we will do it ourselves."

My heart beat quickened, thumping loudly. I couldn't let it happen. No matter how much I hated to do it myself, I could not let near strangers kill my family. The only thing it would be to them was a job to be finished. It would mean nothing to them to wipe out my clan. "No, please! Wait." I looked up at the masked ninja for the first time.

"Once things start moving, it will be too late." He warned me. "This is a very urgent matter."

I was resolute now. I would not change my mind. Not for anything. "I know." I said solemnly. "I'll settle this with my own hands." The masked ninja left soon after.

I stayed in my room far into the night. The candles melted down into nothing and eventually went out. Sometime during the early evening, Mother came to bring me dinner. I did not open the door. I couldn't bear to look at her, to have a last conversation with her or even share a last smile with her.

Sasuke had stayed late at the Academy to train more. If I was going to do this, it was going to be now. If I was going to kill him, then I'd have to wait until I could do it without him knowing, or feeling a thing.

I grabbed my armor and put it on. This was it. There was no going back now. From this moment on, I was no longer Itachi Uchiha. I was a murderer, a cold-blooded monster who feels nothing and regrets nothing. I closed my eyes and fastened my forehead-protector tightly around my head. As I opened my eyes, I felt them changing, and I felt myself becoming them, a weapon to be used at the wielder's whim. That is what I have become. I am the Sharingan.

* * *

><p>Thank you for reading! Please review. Constructive criticism is always appreciated!<p> 


End file.
